I'm an aspiring fantasy writer, trying to finish 774920 novels at once. I'll do all of my brooding right here from now on.
My muze is music, whether it's K-pop, J-pop, anime themes or Lord of the Rings soundtracks. (Yeah, I know: a weird combination)
I'm also TRYING to teach myself Japanese (Korean is next), but that's not really going so well because of school and everything. I'll tackle it someday though.
My favourite writers are David Gemmell, J.V. Jones, Holly Lisle, J.R.R. Tolkien, Glen Cook and James Barclay. I't's my dream to adopt.
I've decided to try out Wordpress, to see which blogging platform I like the most...so I won't be active here for a while. I won't be gone forever...and even if I'm gonna be, you'll be the first to know.
Here's my wordpress blog: http://lonewolfwhistlinginthedark.wordpress.com/
So remember my last post about my goals for the future? Well, here a little something I found while digging in my old writings. This is something I just wrote for myself when I was 16. Funny thing is not much has changed. Only the fact that I've decided Japan is my future home, I've given up on an acting career and am focusing on one in writing and that I have no choice but to marry, if I want to adopt from Asia.
Without much further ado, here's 'How I Picture My Future Life To Be' by M.D. Tjong Ayong:
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been dreaming about my perfect future. It was always crystal clear to me: I knew exactly how I wanted it. Of course, it was a little surreal, but you can’t stop a girl from dreaming. My dream future has not quite changed over the years; the important things are still the same.
Unlike most girls, I never dreamed of a great and fairytale-like wedding. I’ve always detested that subject. Every girl wanted a wedding, with a beautiful princess wedding dress; so it was only natural for me not to want it. I usually didn’t go with the flow. I always said to myself: ‘I don’t have to get married. What’s the use? It’s going to cost you a lot of money and you’ll be showing of this diamond ring, so what? It’s no guarantee that the relationship’s going to last! You could just as well move in together. It’s the same thing; the only thing that’s different is that you call the guy your boyfriend and not your husband!’
Even now I think that’s the absolute and only truth.
I also had a strong opinion about babies. I never wanted any. Not of my own flesh and blood, that is. I’ve always wanted to adopt, ever since I was old enough to fully understand what that meant. I wanted to adopt before Angelina Jolie adopted sweet, little Maddox, and before other actresses followed her example. I wanted it before it became a rage in Hollywood! And I always will, there’s no doubt about that.
But the most astounding dream I’ve always had, is being a single mom! I’ve always pictured myself as a single mom, I don’t know why. It’s probably because my own mother was one and I saw how strong she was. I wasn’t always certain about what was going to be my occupation, what was going to be my profession. I began with wanting to be a writer, and then I switched to actress, cartoonist, teacher and zoologist. Now I am back at wanting to be an actress and a writer.
But enough with the long introduction; let me tell you how I picture my future life to be. Because now, at the age of sixteen, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I want in and from life. Now’s the time to explain:
From where I stand now in life, I know one thing for sure: I want a simple yet varied life. When I think about the future, I see myself making a living with what I love to do. Writing. Why writing? Because that’s a safer option than acting.
I want to be able to support myself without any help from others, whatsoever. If I’m a (preferably famous) writer, I can do everything in my own time. Of course; if acting is another possibility, I’d choose both. I could be the main character in a movie that’d be based on my own book!
Furthermore, I’d like to adopt two Asian children, maybe even three. I’d like to adopt from Japan, South Korea or China. But three certainly is the limit. I think that in the end, I will only adopt two kids, and maybe get one of my own. Yet that isn’t definite!
I never wanted kids of my own, but maybe I’ll want them later. You never know about these things.
I’m not quite sure if I want to be a single mom. It seems fun to me; raising my two (or three) children alone, with no one who tells me what to do. But I wouldn’t mind if I had a boyfriend. It could be fun too! And it would be easier sometimes, if for some reason I’d have a writer’s block and the children couldn’t be quiet. He could take them outside and play baseball with them or something. And about marriage? Well, it still isn’t a must. At least not to me. If my boyfriend really wanted to get married, I’d probably go along with it. I don’t really care about that, but if he would be happier because of it, why not? Though, what I’m looking for is the homely-type, the one who could run the household, because I’m not that skilled when it comes to cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry.
I always pictured my house to be grand, huge, and mansion-like. A big white house, with a great Japanese garden. The interior would be Asian too; the colours would’ve to be light. Like yellows and whites. And I’d probably dedicate two rooms to my favourite movie and anime: Lord of the Rings and One Piece. I can already see the action figures and posters… I absolutely don’t want to live in Holland. Japan or South Korea could be a great option. Oh and I want a dog or three! Wolf dogs. Male ones, of course.
And don’t forget my friends! I’d like to stay as close as we are now, or better yet: closer. I can always count on them and I’d like to be there for them as well. I mean: they’d be a really good influence on my children and my life. And I’d like to be an example for their children. It would be great if our children would play together, grow up together and grow old together like we used to do.
I've decided to really start looking inside myself and figure out which of my dreams/wishes I shall pursue and how. Because you won't be able to reach all your goals in life...even if you could, you shouldn't. Because if you reach all your goals and have all you dreams come true...then what? There should always be a few dream or wishes that never came to pass - just make sure it's those little dreams and wishes you hope for, not the bigger ones.
When I'm old and grey, I don't want to look back at a life wasted or have regrets about dreams I didn't pursue. So I'm going to jot down all the things I want to accomplish in this life - no matter if they're big or small. Then I'm going to figure out how to accomplish those things, what I need to do to make my dreams and wishes come true. Because wishing on a star isn't going to help me much.
I have a big task ahead me: I need to start looking at my goals realistically and that's not something I'm very good at. So yeah, it's going to be difficult, but I'm sure it'll be worth my while. I'll let you guys know what I've decided.
So. Sungkyunkwan Scandal. It was one of the many Kdrama's I would get to someday. Main reason to watch: Yoochun. Naturally. I'm the kind of person who hates ongoing dramas, because you have to wait an entire week to watch the newest episode. I hated it with Sunao ni narenakute ( JaeJoong's drama) which I still watched. I hate it with One Piece...which I still watch. And so I hate it with Yoochun drama....and I still watch it. I know...I'm weak.
But there was a big surprise for me with Sungkyunkwan Scandal. I actually liked more actors than just Yoochun. With Sunao ni, all I cared about was JaeJoong's character. But there are several actors who stole my heart in Yoochun's drama. This is gonna be one hellavu nice drama! I'm hooked
Long time no talkies! Well, let's start this post, shall we. When all else fails, blame an evil wizard...or in any other case ME. You see, I just love how I'm always blamed for everything. And not just by people who know me, but strangers do it to me too! Somehow I'm the reason wars were fought, the word buttwipe exists and why people are late.
Yup, it's all me. I'm a baby-eating-puppy-kicking-evil-villainous-time-warping-burning-the-world-just-for-the-fun-of-it wizard. *Insert evil laugh here* My eyes shoot lightening and when I burp it thunders in Bookbookiestan. When I'm angry 883025 people end up dying horribly in their comfy chairs. It's all me. Me, me, me. I'm the reason society goes down the drain.
And people wonder why I'm so sarcastic...bordering on the edge of cynical. All this and more is thrust upon me....while other have greatness thrust upon them. Seriously people, give it a rest. I'm probably the most polite, nice and goody goody two shoes kind of gal, you're ever gonna meet. And I say this without shame.
So when things go utterly wrong and all else fails, don't blame me. Just blame the evil wizard. He won't care, that's what he's for.
So, I haven't blogged in quite a while really, sorry 'bout that. I've been really busy with work and my birthday and all that. And today was my first day back at 'school'...well, I guess when you compare it to the American or Japanese educational system, it's university. Practical university or whatever. No matter, I just call it school.
I promise to try and blog a bit more, but I don't know if it's possible. School's gonna take up a lot of my time. But look forward to more posts and embrace the randomness that is me.
Today I went to pick up a ring I'd ordered made especially for me. I was inspired by this pciture:
However I requested it to be made of only two rings and of gold, because three rings was way over my budget and I don't wear silver. I also had it engraved: A.K.T.F. All you DBSK fans out there know what this means right: Always Keep The Faith.
They had first made it out of silver - to practise - and the jeweller kept that one for herself. One of the rings wasn't just polished, it was treated with sand as to make it look like it was made of diamond. I expressed interest and she said it would only cost me ten bucks and would take half an hour. My mom would pay for it when we came back.
My mom, my little sister and I came back exactly an half hour later (we has some other things also taken care of) and suddenly the jeweller told us it was for free. Because my birthday was coming up. Isn't that sweet? I'm so happy with my new ring, it's never coming off.
This quote about writing fromSelma Lagerlöf, illustrates how I experience writing. I've just started to write again - after a long time of getting distracted by Bones, Dollhouse, Gokusen and a new dorama I discovered yesterday: Bloody Monday - and it feels good. I can finally let my imagination flow again, and even though the same flow won't always apply when jotting down the words, I realize I've missed it.
I've missed sitting at the table, typing or writing with my earphones in, ignoring reality. Well, not ignoring, just...substituting my own. And I love it. I love writing so much that when I'm not writing, I have the need to fill the empty space with something else. In this case doramas. I've always watched series/anime online, but not as much as I did a couple of days ago. So I decided I needed to write again.
My mind is overflowing and characters are springing up from nowhere. Imagination, inspiration and (ahem) genius are coming together. I'm itching to write and to draw, which I haven't done for more than 3 months by the way. And maybe I'll pick up my drawing again, to draw my characters, or attempt to at least. But right now I want to concentrate on my writing again.
Because writing - or throwing a party in your own mind - is a beautiful and amazing thing. I wouldn't want to give that up EVER. I'll continue to throwing parties and feasts and all such things in my mind and maybe one day I will finally be able to invite other people. Maybe someday I will get published.
So today, I decided to spend some time thinking - seriously thinking - about my future. And no, I don't mean daydreaming about my life in Japan, working as an editor and being a famous novelist, with my adopted children and my two dogs. Though that is my favourite pastime K K K.
No, I was thinking about what to do after I get my bachelor. Granted, I have two full years left, but what then? Find a job? It's my dream to move to Japan to start a new life there, finding a job there at 20 won't be that easy. Especially since my self-taught Japanese is still in it's baby stage. And I'm a foreigner. I'm not saying the Japanese are racists, I don't know all Japanese people and I do think they are smart enough to make their own judgement based on my personality and not my coloured skin. A Japanese friend of mine however, told me the Japanese just don't have that many opportunities to meet foreigners.
Anywaysss, I have been thinking of studying Japanese or Korean. And I've actually found an university where they offer both! It's in Leiden and not that far from my home town. A mere 42 minutes away to be exact. So if I would go to study Japanese ( it's actually called 'Languages and cultures of Japan') it would take three years. I'd be 23 when I was done. But then there is Korean ( 'Languages and cultures of Korea') as well. I don't want to give up on that, so I'd study at the university for another 3 years. I'd be 26 when I'd be done.
I could, of course, decide to get a Master for both studies...that would probably take ehm...2 years, I suppose. I'd be 28. I don't know if I will try to get a Master for both, so let's scratch that for now. I will have three Bachelors (hopeful thinking) and a Master - in English. That could get me far when I'd look for a job in Japan right? I'd like to think so. And all the while I'll be working at the Hema and saving for the big move. Sound like a plan right? A killer plan! A game plan.
So I've talked about me possibly having NLD - non-verbal learning disorder - but I couldn't provide you guys with a lot of info. Now I've found some, so I decided to show you:
NLD is a neurological disorder which originates in the right hemisphere of the brain. Reception of nonverbal or performance-based information governed by this hemisphere is impaired in varying degrees, causing problems with visual-spatial, intuitive, organizational, evaluative, and holistic processing functions.
The syndrome of Nonverbal Learning Disorders (NLD) consists of specific assets and deficits.
The assets include:
Early speech and vocabulary development
Remarkable rote memory skills
Attention to detail
Early development of reading skills and excellent spelling skills
Eloquent verbal ability
Strong auditory retention
The three categories of deficits are:
Motoric: lack of coordination, problems with balance and graphomotor skills
Visual-spatial-organizational: lack of image, poor visual recall, faulty spatial perception, and difficulty with spatial relations
Social: inability to comprehend nonverbal communication, difficulty adjusting to transitions and novel situations, and deficits in social judgment
People with NLD can be affected in varied levels of severity in each of the categories, so that each person with NLD presents a unique clinical, behavioral, and educational picture. People with NLD can be helped by many forms of therapy, but their world is filled with confusing sensory stimuli. For some, their physical endurance is challenged by generally low muscle tone. Some need support throughout life with cognitive and organizational skills, motor skill development, pragmatics and social skills.
Children with NLD have advanced verbal and auditory memory. Some are precocious readers with advanced vocabularies. Nevertheless, NLD is a problem of language. People with NLD have rote language skills but when it comes to functional daily use of language, they have difficulties with tone of voice, inference, written expression, facial expression, gestures, and other areas of pragmatic speech.
People with NLD have difficulty understanding patterns and lining up columns of numbers. Spoken instructions can be troublesome due to difficulty picturing consecutive directions and poor visual memory. NLD can also affect coordination, causing clumsiness, poor balance and a tendency to fall. Many people with NLD have poor safety judgment.
We are not sure what causes NLD, but we know that the earlier the intervention, the better the prognosis.
There...did you understand any of it? I did...a little bit anyways. Well, that's all for now.
How are you guys? I haven't been blogging in a long time - mainly because of my horrible internship. The only positive things about that internship are the friends I've made and the fact that I got inspiration to write about it. I'm gonna write a novel about my internship in hell.
Are you interested? I'm gonna write in first person, and I don't really use that perpective a lot, so it's gonna be different. It has me as the MC. K K K.
I've decided to use Dutch idioms as chapter titles and my novel title is an idiom too. I love idioms for some reason *^^* I'll let you guys know when I've got more.
It's been a while, hasn't it? Missed me? Kekeke, I guess not. Some of you probably will have noticed that I usually use English idioms as titles - the only exeptions are the QuickE's, discoveries I've made and the happy birthday wishes for the members of DBSK. Which reminds me: I've been too busy to blog about YooChun's birthday! Oh well...I decided I won't do that any more anyways...it's not like they actually read my blog.
Anyways...let's carry on. Um...the idiom 'Speak softly and carry a big stick' is very fitting for a situation I landed in during my internship (I still have two weeks to go). There are 3 other interns and our "boss" - and I use this term lightly - has taken advantage of us. There are a lot of problems with this guys, but the worst thing was the fact that we didn't get our pay of April and May...until the beginning of June.
And we only got that because I had asked him about it for like a gazillion times! Do you know how horrible it is to beg for your own money? It made me feel like a gold digger or something.
So I went to talk to him about a lot of problems he should fix. This is where the idiom comes in, because I was ready to break his neck. I was that pissed. I'm never pissed. I just shrug things off. But that dude is really something. Everything I said to him, he twisted....so it would make me feel guilty. Lucky for me...I don't feel guilty about things I haven't done. Now he takes every chance he's got to admonish me for stuff.
Yesterday was another example of this. We only have to come to the office at Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The rest of the time we work home. Suddenly he decides he wanted us to come to the office today (because he 'quit' his freelance job...yeah right). I couldn't go because I had some other stuff to do. He totally went into a frenzy. Like I should be ashamed I had other appointments without telling him. He tried to use my argument (if he'd be late or have a meeting, he should at least give us a call) against me. The only problem was that I was talking about the days when we were actually supposed to be here.
That miserable excuse of a human had told us - at the beginning of the internship - that we would only have to come to the office on those three days. Then we could work at home the rest of the time, and have time for work or school or sports or whatever. His words...not mine.
Can you believe that man?! He's is so getting on my nerves! I'm not an agressive person, but I'm constantly thinking of ways to kill him. And I wonder how everything's gonna work out with the money we made in June. Oh well, only two weeks left...I'll keep my murderous plans to myself for now. But boy, I will be so happy when this internship is over.
Saturday my mom, my sister and I went to Amsterdam to shop and visit my grandmom who just came back from Suriname. My mom was in a good mood and bought me an encyclopedia about the world's mythologies and the movie 300.
I loved that movie^^ Who doesn't like hack-and-slash movies? When we came home I tried convincing my little sister to watch it with me, but she wasn't in to it. And in the end I was glad she didn't watch it with me. The label said 16 ...but I hadn't considered it dangerous because we watched LotR extended edition and that was labeled 16 too. BUT...and this is a very big BUT...LotR had no sexscenes.
I had totally forgotten about the sexscene in 300, it's been a couple of months, you know? So I was glad she didn't stay and watch, cuz it was shocking! I was staring at the screen like 0.0 and I'm 18!
I will be frank and say that the sexscene should have been cut. Why? Here's why:
1) It was too explicit! I don't want to see everything, just a hint or the suggestion of what's going to happen is fine. If you have to show the deed, at least cover them with a blanket.
2) It was unneccesary. Seriously; it didn't add anything to the movie. 300 is about threehundred dudes facing a massive army of millions. Not about the king and his wife. So if I had been the director, I wouldn't even have put it in the movie at all. What happens in the bedroom doesn't matter. What happens on the battlefield does.
Anyways, gotta get back to work....the boss still isn't here though. It's pissing me off!
Lord, love a duck! Yeah...I know you're probably looking like this right now: o.0
I was like that too when I first read this idiom, but I like it. Lord, love a duck: An exclamation used when nothing else will fit. Often fitting when one is stunned or dismayed. I am both stunned and dismayed. Why? Because of romance!
The love I'm talking about has nothing to do with me, make no mistake! I have a non-existing lovelife. But it's about my aversion towards romance. I hate romantic movies/books/songs. I value passion more than romance anyways. Romance makes me want to puke, it's all so standard and unoriginal. Seriously. It's all been done before. When I see a romantic comedy, I will already know how it ends after watching for 5 minutes. It's all the same.
And yet! Most of the dramas/doramas I've seen revolved around love and romance. Hana yori dango, You are beautiful, Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, Full House, Let's go to school, Sang Doo!, Sappuri, Sunao ni Narenakute, 1 Pound no Fukuin even IRIS! I shocked me when I realized this. But most of the time I watched those doramas/dramas for a particular reason: the humor. Or the actor (Kame, T.O.P, Rain, Jang Geun Suk, JaeJoong) Not so much the romance....I skipped it whenever I had the chance.
But what I can't possibly deny is the fact that my favourite songs are all lovesongs! Flower Lady, Love in the Ice, Why did I fall in love with you, Mirotic....they are all lovesongs! But do I really listen to them because they're lovesongs? Nope. I can't understand Japanese/Korean that well. I listen to them because I like the voices of my favourite 5 boys. Kizuna by Kame feels like a lovesong, but is about friendship. So I guess I'm saved.
For a few moments I thought I was turning into an entirely different person! But I'm still the same old me. Watashi wa daijoubu desu. Kekekeke
I've made another grand discovery. Well, actually I kinda made it a long time ago. It's Oguri Shun (Tokyo Dogs, Gokusen I, Hana Yori Dango) Check him out:
He's quite the actor! I really like how he can go from delinquent to flower boy to cop. He knows how to do drama, comedy and even....awkward. Kekeke. Can't say I love him as much as Kame, though I think he's a lot better than Kame...sometimes. And while Kame is still boyish (me likey), Shun has proven in Tokyo Dogs he can play a man - well, he IS a man. Anyways, he pulled if off a lot better than Kame in Kami no Shizuku.
He's certainly a favourite of mine. And this is the only Asian dude so far (besides JaeJoong of course) who can pull off the blonde look. Seriously. But darker colours fit him best, since it's more natural. Same goes for JaeJoongie. Somehow JaeJoong got thrown into an Oguri Shun post...oh well.
Today I finished watching Gokusen I, the prequel of Gokuen II which is one of my favourite doramas. I must say I still like II more than I, even though the storyline was pretty much the same and quite predictable - it was still a lot of fun to watch though^^.
I just have a habit of liking whatever part I see first more. For instance, I like LotR 2 more than the other two, because I saw it first. I like Xmen three more than the other two parts, because I saw it first. So I like Gokusen II because I saw it first. And because it had Kamenashi Kazuya in it, kekeke. But the characters from Gokusen I were likeable too. I liked Uchii more than Shin though.
I guess I should watch season 3 as well, since I already saw everything else - including Gokusen the Movie with (can you guess????) Kame!
Time flies when you're an intern. Seriousy, I haven't had time to write anything of my own. My future books are already gathering dust. I'm going crazy! It's really fun, you know, being an intern. But it's soooo tiring and demanding at the same time. Is this how it's gonna be when I'm a media professional and actually working? Phew, I hope not.
But I'm aching to get started on my stories again. It's been too long. My hands are itching to get hold of a pen and write something magical or pseudo-medieval. I guess that when I do get back to writing again, I'll be singing along with and dancing to 2NE1/DBSK/BigBang songs with all my heart.
Look forward to it! You'll be hearing it wherever you are!
I just finished watching the Japanese dorama Tokyo Dogs. It's about two cops - Maruo and Sou who are after a drugbaron named Jinno. Sou and Maruo can't get along at all. The misunderstandings and quarrels between them are hilarious! The dorama is fastpaced and funny. You should all watch it sometime^^
I dunno if I've told you guys, but for school I had to search for an internship for 10 weeks. Well, I got one. I am going to work for a website for students; writing articles and keeping the database updated. Honto ni muzukashii demo honto ni tanoshi desu. Watashi gambareso!!! ^^
Yesterday was my first day. I only have to go to the office twice a week, the rest of the work I do at home. After a few weeks we (my fellow interns and me) are going to go into the country and visit different schools. Tomorrow I'm going back to the office, right now I'm working on the database.
Anyways, gotta be going. Me hwaiting! Me fight-oh!
Ja mata ne?
P.S. I just watched the new dorama Sunao ni Narenakute, with JaeJoongie! He's getting better at acting. I'm interested in his relationship with his dorama sister. It was quite funny how he had a bit of an outburst in Korean. I was like....o.0 Wait, was that just...Korean? Kekeke, Sunao ni Narenakute wa honto ni omoshiroi desu!
Tokyo Time
Seoul Time
