2/5/10

Leopard can't change its spots

Annyeong everyone,

Leopard can't change its spots. That is sooo true. At least it is for me. Change - in any way - is hard for me. Whether it's a change of hairstyle, change of colour or a change in setting. I'm a bit of a slob, so I tend to leave things on my bedroom floor (though I stack it up neatly). My mom is like the most neat person you will ever meet and we often have words because of my sloppiness; though I think I'm still pretty neat when I'm being sloppy.
Sometimes she'd clean up my room (a big NO-NO for me) and I'd go ballistic inside my head, because I couldn't find anything anymore. I'd be in a state of sheer panic because nothing was the way I'd left it and I wouldn't calm down until I had put everything back the way it was. Much to the annoyance of my mother.
This actually happened a number of times until she finally realized that she isn't allowed to change anything in my room.
My room is my own and if something isn't right, I feel all weird and I have to put it back the way it was. I need order, even the sloppy kind. I NEED to know where everything is.

Another problem for me is when someone I know changes their appearance in a way. This could be a haircut, a new haircolour, growing a mustache, you get the point. When I get used to something, for instance the way someone looks, that becomes a permanent image. So when people change, to me...it's like they're not them anymore. They're someone else. I really need time to adjust my image of who and what that person is. The same goes for myself. I have had the same hairstyle my entire life.
I don't get bored with it, it doesn't get old. It's me. I remember a time when I was about to turn 14 and my mom cut my hair. I was astounded and I didn't feel like myself for a couple of days.
The hairstyle hadn't even changed; it was just a bit shorter. And yet I couldn't get myself to like it, I still look back at pictures and videos of that time and hate it.

But the biggest problem with me is that when something has become routine for me (I rely heavily on routine) I can't change it anymore. Example: My week is always split up in cetain segments (excluding school, work etc). Monday I watch the newest episode of One Piece and Fullmetal Alchemist, Tuesday or Wednesday I watch the newest episode of House, Thursday I don't necessarily have anything to watch and Friday I read  the newest manga/manhwa chapters of Naruto, One Piece, Fullmetal Alchemist, Skip Beat, The breaker, The One etc. This is a normal week for me. I usually squeeze in some Korean dramas during my spare time, but I don't have a scedule for that.
Sometimes manga writers take a week off. So there's no One Piece or Naruto. This is hard for me, because it's my routine to watch the newest episode/read the newest chapter. I NEED to watch/read something which has to do with those manga/anime. So usually I go watch an old episode or four, to calm myself down.
I also have difficulties to change myself or things that I do. I have a habit of brushing my teeth while in the shower but my mom is always complaining that this is wasting water.
In a way I agree and I try to stop doing this. However, the moment I get in the shower I've already put the toothbrush in my mouth and I've started brushing. I just can't stop it because I'm unaware of it. I'm doing it automaticly.

So change in itself is very hard for me, but I need to learn to adjust faster. Or it might become a big problem in the future.

Sayonara mina

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